update idup

Hai. Hari ini aku patah. In short, things are not going well lately. Many incidents have made me blame the circumstances over and over again. Even though it shouldn't be like that, because i know life goes as it should. But still, it feels like living in this phase is really tiring.Sometimes I wish I could sleep forever. It doesn't mean that I want to die. Just sleep without thinking and feeling anything. 

Sebenernya semua ini tuh dah terakumulasi dan numpuk sihhh dari rentetan peristiwa yang menuntut aku harus bertindak in a certain way. Kayaaakk di usia sekarang tuh aku harus bisa menentukan path ku sendiri. Tapi, sampai saat ini aku masih belum tahu aku maunya apa, aku mau ke mana, aku mau ngapain. Segalanya based on trials and errors. Ya ga salah juga sebenarnya, cuma takut wasting sooo much time kalo segalanya dilandasi dengan coba coba dan baru dapet jawabannya setelah nyoba. Pun sekalinya udah salah jalur tuh susah buat balikin ke jalur awal. Bener bener segala step yang diambil tuh harus dipertimbangin dulu. 

Orang orang seusiaku tuh pada capek ga sih??? Apa aku yang lemah ya.. 

Ya pokoknya gitu deh, mulai memasuki quarter life crisis dengan sering bertanya mengenai diri sendiri dan membandingkan diri sama orang lain hufff.

But, what really annoyed me this day was that I met someone who was really sarcastic. The words stabbed and hit me mentally. Even from the beginning of the meeting she did not apologize to make me wait 2.5 hours for nothing. I answered all of the question honestly. But she always responds to me with a reproachful face and a sarcastic smile. Padaal kan aku jawab jujur biar bisa terbuka satu sama lain dan gaada masalah di akhir. Ini kan soal kecocokan. Kalau memang ga cocok ya tidak apa apa, but seriously, I don't think I deserve that kind of response. No one deserve those shitty face of yours. Moreover, there is nothing wrong with a statement about one self. You ask me to tell you about myself, but you always refute every statement I make. Laaah??? 

Wah gila bener bener gagal paham sama ni orang. Ya pantes sih mbaknya yg kemaren kayak tertekan dan effort bgt buat nunjukin benefitnya. Aku jd kasian sama mbaknya yang kemaren:( 

Tapi ya emang sedari awal udah red flag, tapi aku terusin karena masih kepo dan pengen liat orang yg dikatain mbaknya kemaren tuh kayak gimana. Ternyata emang parah. Ya mungkin krn aku dan mbaknya dijurusan yang sama dan terbiasa memanusiakan manusia kali ya, bgitu ketemu modelan kayak gini jd ga abis pikir hehe. 

Oiya and what's even more annoying is that i'm not given the chance to give feedback to her. Bener bener langsung dimatiin abis ninggalin kata kata nyakitin wkwkwkwkwwk parah bro.

No wonder when I mention about the learning process she immediately disagreed and said that she doesn't need people who are still learning. Padahal kan life is long life learning. Maybe because she has stopped learning kali ya, menghargai orang aja belum bisa. If I may give some tips, please please please learn to respect others and communicate things in a assertive way. I thought this is an instinctive human skill???

Tapi yasudaaah memang aku tidak bisa mengatur akan bertemu dengan orang modelan seperti apa. Cukup tau dan aware bahwa orang orang semacam itu selalu ada in our daily basis. Tapi sebelnya jd aku merasa tertolak padahal aku emang ogaaahh juga kerja sama orang sarkastik yang apa apa serba salah begindang, blm kerja bareng aja dah bgitu lur. Respect for those who survive work with her. I wish you all have a good mental health. 

Daah aku nulis ini biar lega ajaaa. Soalnya beneran she broke my esteem with her evil words. Without me being given the chance to give her some feedback too. But yeah I have to stand up again because life will go on. Won't be discouraged and will keep going.